Dear Isabella,

I have about an hour, so unfortunately I think I have to write you a long letter, I do not have the time to write you a short one.

I’m writing to you because I think maybe this is how you process things. I also love to write letters, but I thought it was cringe to do so. Still, what better time to be cringe than now? There is so much I’d like to say! And what if I don’t get to say it?

I wish I had said more sooner, but I think I was waiting for you to stop thinking. I feel like you started thinking, maybe after our first date, or second date? But I think you only just finished.

You told me that you want to live with no regrets, and to you that means that you think deeply about something and then commit. That makes sense for many things, but I was hoping this would be more like the start of a long conversation that would last a very, very long time.

I’ve said before that friendship, deep friendship, just happens to me—like lightning. I can see someone for a minute and in that time I can see our future friendship together.

I have yet to be wrong! And I felt it with you, from the moment I saw your profile, and the moment we met.

To be clear, this was a friendship shaped like a relationship. And I treasure this so much. It happens so rarely to me, and never while I’ve known myself this well.

I like to give friendships and relationships titles sometimes—and for ours, from the start, it’s been “If it’s us, we can do it.”

I think that relationships are not puzzle pieces and I have no expectation of finding someone who is just the right fit for my piece at this time.

People change and so the only promise anyone can ever give you is to try their best.

I have been looking for someone with whom I could try my best. To just figure it out and trust. I felt, and still feel, that it could be us. And if it were us—we could do it. We could be such a good team and make something so beautiful.

It is so strange how non-linear time is. An afternoon can have more beauty in it than a decade. This is what I mean when I say you have dead wife aesthetic. It so often feels like I am living through a memory that I really want to treasure.

Like that bench on Alta Vista. The park in GGP. Your pottery studio. The swings. Cuddling on my couch. It all feels so warm and fresh.

There are so many qualities of yours that I really value. How committed and independent you are, how little you need to be happy, how much you care for your family, how kind you are, how you always say thank you, how incredibly smart you are.

I haven’t said this but I admire your work. I often joke about Roblox, but game programming saved me and my family; I owe everything to it—and I’m sure many kids will owe the same to your work.

I admire you, and you inspire me to be better.

There are many reasons, I’m sure, that we’re not perfectly compatible, and I know many of them are my fault. I would like to hear them more. I can do nothing of course but plead guilty. I have many flaws. It will not be easy. But I think it could be fun.

And I will try hard. I am a fighter!

I believe in fighting through it all.

Fighting the odds.
Fighting your demons.
I would like to fight for you.

Thariq